| (no subject) |
[Oct. 1st, 2005|07:04 pm] |
i had a really fun time this weekend, but i havent slept since thursday, and now it's time to go to bed.
by the way, jodie foster isn't crazy, just a total fucking hardcore asskicking killer/loving mom. fucking obviously. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 1st, 2005|04:37 am] |
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i just bought two hamsters. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 20th, 2005|10:50 am] |
it's been overcast all morning but it just started to rain a few minutes ago. my dad is smoking a cigarette and standing in the doorway of the toolshed with his arms behind his back. my uncle is in his own backyard making a stone wall in the rain. i can see them through the windows. i'm in the kitchen eating a piece of burnt toast and thinking about how long it's been since i've enjoyed rainfall on a weekend - no thunder, no lightning, just clouds and water and soft noises. i'm thinking about how i never liked rain in new york because that meant i'd have to walk in it, ruin my hair, ruin the cuffs of my jeans, i lost my umbrella, etc., etc. i'm thinking about people with umbrellas, and how funny they look from overhead. the way people walk to avoid hitting other people's umbrellas. i won't be going back.
things i've done: finished my internship. dropped out of new school. registered for classes at fairfield. drank 4-6 cups of coffee a day. got a speeding ticket. got a haircut. got sick. stopped feeling. stopped reading. missed things.
i felt like i had finally grown up when my bosses took me out to lunch on thursday and i ate a salad with an italian name and talked with them on an equal level about education and business politics and current events. i always felt like a big girl when i took the train to school or got stuck in rush hour traffic on the merritt or stirred my coffee in the break room at work. it's not true. i'll always be 11 years old, trying to convince my parents i don't have diabetes. i'll always be six years old, running away from home because my goldfish died. i'll always be nine and riding my bike downhill with no hands. i'll always be fifteen and scared. i'll always be seventeen and driving the 240 with the top down. i'll always be in a car accident. i'll always have a messy room. i'll always be straightening my hair. i will always wonder what he's doing now.
somehow everything turned out alright for me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 7th, 2005|07:14 am] |
| [ | music |
| | new order - true faith | ] |
1. yesterday i dressed appropriately to work. i would post a picture here if this were not a public journal and if the picture were not bound to induce vomiting.
2. the night before last it rained. i fell asleep at seven p.m. and woke up at 11:51 and could not go back to sleep. i sat in the basement and stared at the ceiling. i made my dad cut up a cantaloupe and ate it with him. it was too hot. the weather, not the cantaloupe. i went outside and stood in the rain and the air smelled green. i felt like i was the only person outside for miles around. this is something one cannot experience in new york. the funny thing about the city is that you often feel lonely as hell but you never have the luxury of feeling lonely and actually being alone. this probably doesn't make sense. but it's true.
3. the weekend was fun. i spent too many dollarz. i ate too many calories. i want to live on mulberry street. i want to live everywhere. "L" wanted a gauranteed location to purchase alcohol underage so i directed her to the convenience store next to my old dorm on east 12th. walking by loeb was like seeing a ghost. summer kids were out smoking on the ledge. i remembered everything. walking back to bo's i fell on my face crossing broadway. as someone who has been plagued for years by the curse of the "midas touch" (everything i touch made of glass turns to broken), i was painfully amazed that the bottles of alcohol remained intact and that the only thing damaged was my pride. and my right knee, and my left elbow, and my head. that was three days ago and these areas still hurt. not the pride, just the body parts. the pride thing must have been a ghost pain. i don't have any.
4. i was bored of all my cd's so i made a new one yesterday with songs i hadn't listened to in awhile on it and it turned out really good. the playlist title is "SHITTIN MYSELF" and includes tracks by new order (duh), built to spill, depeche mode, modest mouse, the pixies, the cure, morrissey, belle and sebastian, chicks on speed, adam green, ladytron, air, a tribe called quest, camera obscura, franz ferdinand, and the faint. driving a subaru would be a lot more bearable if someone who likes this kind of stuff slash doesn't fear dying would sit in the passenger seat and listen to this cd with me.
5. i still have not progressed any further in TROPIC OF CAPRICORN since i was given a replacement copy on my birthday. all i've done is reread the passage where henry miller loses his virginity to his piano teacher about nine million times while waiting for the man who owns the cafeteria to come flirt with me. i also still don't know his name. i also still am not dressed. shit. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2005|02:53 am] |
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i feel so strange inside. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 27th, 2005|06:49 am] |
i was going to just write this at work but i forgot that i'm moving from IT to marketing today and will consequently be under the supervision of a different person who may perhaps be unprepared to put up with my blatant slacking this early in our relationship. instead, i am posting now, completely tanked up on caffeine and in place of taking a shower.
1. drove into the city with lauren, mike, and danny ma$e to visit bo the other night. i haven't been in new york since i moved out of loeb over a month ago and it was good to be back. i haven't seen bo in a long time too so that was also nice. walking around on a hot night reminded me of last august when i first started school and everything about the city was really new and exciting and i got lost all the time and didn't understand the subway system. the year went by very fast. i have a lot of memories. i will write them down someday when i learn how to write.
2. i rarely listen to wilco, but i feel the song "i'm always in love" pretty accurately describes my state of mind right now. for example, i currently have my eye on the man who owns the "park cafe," a cafeteria in building 5 of the complex where i work. this may or may not be because, in addition to owning the cafeteria in building 5 of the complex where i work, he also owns a maserati. his name is joe..or john..i think.
3. i used to think it was bad to constantly talk about music or to use other people's music to define the way one feels, but now i think it's okay - doing so is just admitting that someone else can express your feelings more completely than you can at the moment. i hope someday i will be able to express myself adequately enough to stop constantly quoting "more than words" by extreme and "i want you" by elvis costello in my AIM away messages/profiles. haahahaha. NOT HAPPENING.
4. a thought: judging from the genre of music i tend to listen to now, ie., new order, depeche mode, the pet shop boys, etc., etc., i feel that if i were born in the early '90's and were therefore the same age i am now in 2010, the bands i would tend to listen to would probably be the backstreet boys, n*sync, and sugar ray. wait, i already like sugar ray.
5. why am i not getting ready for work
6. on certain beverages and why they are bad ideas: DUNKIN DONUTS BLUEBERRY ICED COFFEE. can anyone explain this to me? i really can't fathom it. until some individual comes forth and informs me that the marketing director of dunkin donuts is a retarded nine-year-old girl, this concept of combining fruit and coffee must inevitably remain lightyears beyond all my powers of comprehension (as if that says anything). also, diet coke "sweetened with splenda." i tried this accidentally the other day. it tastes like regular coke. this is not a good thing. if i'm having diet coke, it's because i like the way diet coke tastes and want to have that diet coke taste in my mouth. if i wanted the taste of regular soda, i would BUY a regular soda, or at least a "pepsi one." what a shitty idea.
7. i'm still not dressed.
8. i need a haircut.
9. i need a weight-cut.
10. things are going to change. |
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| i like the format i used for my last post. this livejournal will be like that until i get sick of it |
[Jun. 21st, 2005|07:51 pm] |
1. today i woke up and consumed one two-day old brownie, three advil, and five cups of coffee sweetened with a cumulative 10 packages of granulated sugar substitute. my only physical activity was crossing the street to get from the greenwich railroad station to the bus stop, crossing the street to get from the office to rinaldi's deli (to eat a sandwich), crossing the street to get from rinaldi's deli back to the office, spinning around in my chair, and crossing the street to get from the westport train station to the secret lot where the attendant parked "my" fucking idiot subaru outback. at this point i urinated behind a chevy tahoe because i was TOO LAZY to walk the extra ten steps that would have put me inside the train station and allowed me to make proper use of a ladies room. sometimes i get the feeling that i do these kind of things solely for the purpose of telling other people i did them and/or meaning AND DEFINITELY so i can write about them in my livejournal. this of course doesn't explain why i've acted like a complete moron for the past year when i wasn't writing in my livejournal. the only way to explain that is to say that i'm a complete moron - a characteristic i inherited from my mother.
2. when the train went over the bridge at riverside i realized that i haven't gone swimming in over a year. that is something i would very much like to do again.
3. "getting warmer, getting colder" - phrases to use next time i have sex.
4. i need to purchase a new belt. i only have one right now, an etnies one i bought two years ago because i skateboard - HAHAHAH just kidding, i bought it because i had a crush on a guy who wore a lot of etnies gear. this effectively describes my entire life. i felt so romantic this morning i decided the first person i met on the train i'd fall in love with. then this fat woman sat next to me. this also effectively describes my entire life.
5. i spent $130 on oakley sunglasses and mostly wear them on my head.
6. for my birthday my uncle bought me another copy of TROPIC OF CAPRICORN, my favorite book that i lost on the train. unfortunately i still have yet to finish it. i've been reading it for about four months now. the reason i can't finish it is because it's too good - i can only read five or six pages at a time. it's like staring at the sun. or at THE ARC in mr. austin's tech ed room. only people who went to middlebrook will know what i mean, and i hope they appreciate it. other people fuck off.
7. stopped listening to new order for about two seconds this morning to listen to at the drive-in and realize i still like them. this makes me happy. i would have been upset if i had listened to them again and realized they sucked. the new order song i am right now is "lonesome tonight." the faint song i am right now is "worked up so sexual." the smiths song i am right now is, and always will be, "unloveable."
8. bands i am not happy i still like: the sounds. the arcade fire. that one song by "my chemical romance." i have to put that name in quotation marks because i am embarrassed to even type it. fuck me though. i really like that song. in fact, i like it so much that after i saw the music video i started wearing red eyeshadow like the guy that sings. good thing i look horrible in it and the only attention i get for doing so is when people ask me if i have pinkeye. good thing. good thing.
9. i had more to say but i don't remember it anymore. |
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| is this thing on? |
[Jun. 16th, 2005|06:40 am] |
i used to be a person with a live journal. then i went to college. it died there. i kept its corpse around so that i might spy on other people with "FRIENDS ONLY" journals and assure myself that they were still leading normal, productive human existences. they were. i was consequently forced to spend the next ten months making unbelievably bad decisions in order to compensate for the lack thereof in the lives of my acquaintances. now i am home.
life isn't funny sometimes, life is funny all the time. |
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| is this thing on? |
[Jan. 27th, 2004|05:59 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | bad religion - you | ] |
if livejournal freezes or deletes my posts even half as much as blurty, i'll be so fucking happy i won't be able to breathe.
then again, obtaining my own lj puts me that much closer to not being popular in real life, so i'm not complaining. |
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